It's scary how much things can change in just a short amount of time. You're gone for two months and all of a sudden there's betrayal, and stupidity, and you're no longer close to the people you love. Which just proves that no matter how hard you try, these relationships will never be the same again. But what's even worse than that, is knowing that staying most likely would have stopped those changes. "It's not your fault that people change and do stupid things." But what if it is? What if I could have stopped the downhill spiral of someones life, but I wasn't there to do that.
I feel like I'm dying right now just listening to how terrible some people have become. They know who they are. It kills me to hear how you think you're so fucking bad ass because you tell people to fuck off, and you break the rules and do what you want. Why the hell would you want to be that person?! If you were good, talented, smart, and loved by nearly fucking everyone, why would you change? I understand that you're sick of being the "good Catholic" one, but that doesn't mean you have to become the dumb ass who hurts people who love you. I cry just hearing about how far gone you are. I'm scared for you.
Honestly, I'd love to be dead right now. All I feel is pain, depression, and anger anymore. Melodramatic much? Yes, but it's true. The reason I care so much about my friends and our relationship and how they're feeling, and why I'm affected so much by that, is because friendship is all that I feel I have. I have this super special ability where I can lose friends in the blink of an eye. It comes into play every year or two, and it sucks. I feel like there's something wrong with me. And as much as I like spending time alone, my biggest fear and insecurity is that I'll be permanently alone one day. I'm terrified that everyone will change but me, and I won't have anyone. The sad thing is, it's already begun.
